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With all the disparaging labels being slapped on Detroit, hereβs a new catchphrase we might be able to take to the bank:
DETROIT β Sex Capital of America.
Now, get your mind out of the abundance of glittery playrooms along Eight Mile. Weβre talking about the study of sex, as it bolsters healthy, happy relationships and makes committed couples feel better β about each other, and about themselves. And metro Detroit has two accomplished, nationally known professionals who look at love from both sides now: the clinical and the academic.
Renee Horowitz, a board-certified gynecologist and obstetrician, is founder of the Center for Sexual Wellness in Farmington Hills and has made the exploration of sexual dysfunction in women her career calling. ΒιΆΉ·¬ΊΕs like Good Housekeeping and Esquire have her on speed dial when they need expert advice on sex, especially given her longstanding reputation that no subject is off limits.
And Terri Orbuch, aka βThe Love Doctor,β is an Oakland University sociology professor and research scientist at the University of Michiganβs Institute for Social Research. She has authored five books (including her latest, Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship) and is a regular guest on Fox 2. She has contributed to such talkfests as Katie and the Today show. She also recently became a national TV host with her first public broadcasting special, Secrets of the Love Doctor.
In the 90-minute info-fest, which aired in Detroit on WTVS (Channel 56), Orbuch polled a studio audience about relationship issues. Many of her insights come from asking for similar opinions on a massive scale β through an unprecedented, federally funded project thatβs followed 373 Wayne County couples for 27 years, from the time they applied for their marriage licenses to the present.
Orbuch says nobody has studied midlife couples while having this much information about the early years of their marriages. βEven though we have a divorce rate of 46 percent, we know people still say relationships are the No. 1 important thing in their lives, over religion, work, money, everything. I hope to keep doing this until theyβre gray and Iβm gray β¦ or grayer.β
No matter a personβs age, a lack of intimacy or satisfaction in the bedroom can put any relationship on the rocks. βEven when I was a resident,β Horowitz says, βI had women in their 30s and 40s come in and go, βI love my husband, but Iβd just as soon go to bed with a book.β
Horowitz, a Farmington Hillsβbased OB/GYN, studied in California with world-renowned sexual medicine expert Dr. Michael Krychman.
While literature on sexual dysfunction has increased over the years, Horowitz believes it remains an area that many doctors simply donβt want to address. βI donβt think itβs the issue of it being personal,β she says. βFor some [doctors] it is, but they also donβt have the time. When I sit down with a patient with a sexual problem, itβs at least an hour visit. It takes a certain knowledge, and quite honestly we donβt get reimbursed for it. When I was in medical school it was never talked about, so I talk to residents now about it.β
Not that patients always want to talk about sexual problems, either. βItβs what I call βthe doorknob question,βββ Horowitz says. βI see a woman for her yearly visit, Iβm done talking to her, and my hand is literally on the doorknob when I hear, βDr. Horowitz, one more thing.β They donβt have any libido, or they have pain, or they canβt have an orgasm. Itβs a huge discussion. So then I say, βWell, why donβt you come back and weβll talk about it,β and often they donβt.β
Is Horowitz surprised that some women find it hard to talk to a doctor about sex in this bare-all age? βYou know, I think weβre still in a somewhat Victorian society,β she says, βand for some people itβs cultural; for others itβs whispered about.β Horowitz frequently appears at womenβs-only social and charity events. Even then, women feel more comfortable writing their questions down.
βI think human sexuality is such an important part of our lives and our relationships that it needs to be talked about,β she says. βA healthy sex life improves so many other areas of your life.β
But only if they receive accurate and up-to-date information, says Orbuch, who might soon be hosting her own TV show β a possibility heightened after a PR professional recently coined for her the catchy alias βThe Love Doctor.β
βI was writing these academic books that my husband never even read,β she says, βbut I was listening to these Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura people β¦talking about relationships but telling people things that I was finding the opposite to be true.β
One of those things is that couples should talk about everything and anything. But Orbuch finds there are some taboo topics that people just canβt talk about in their relationships β not even long-term couples. βThey know they have to agree to disagree,β she says. βDr. Phil would be saying you always have to be honest, to βlet it all out,β but I was finding that even happily married couples have touchy subjects.β
Orbuch continues to teach at Oakland, where her classes include the Sociology of Human Sexuality. βThat one fills up totally,β she says, laughing. βPeople get to class thinking theyβre going to be able to talk about their own sex lives and relationships, and thatβs not the case. Many people drop [it] after the first two days.β
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